tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-354197762024-03-07T01:21:03.098-07:00Dear Spike, Love Dad<center>"You will be loved. Unconditionally. And forever."</center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger578125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-47043637666488114732023-05-27T15:09:00.001-06:002023-07-05T16:21:12.411-06:00NOTIONS OF FREEDOM<p>Dear Spike,</p><p>Today you turned 16 years old. </p><p>There is a question that just about everyone asks when someone reaches this age. It is a question that, at least in past generations, has been tied to notions of freedom, responsibility, and emerging adulthood. </p><p>Did you get your driver's license?</p><p>You did not. And you seem to have no plans to do so any time soon. And that's OK. It does not mean you are not interested in freedom. You are. It does not mean you are not an exceptionally responsible person. You are. It does not mean you are not emerging, quite healthily, into adulthood. You most certainly are.</p><p>When my dear friend, Stephen, moved back to England last year he sold us his Mini Cooper at the "family rate." I'm not actually sure what he could have gotten for that vehicle, but I'm quite certain he took a loss on the deal to ensure that his family's cherished little car would go to a good home. I bought it with the intention of it being your vehicle, but your mother drives it for the most part, right now, and that is fine. It will be yours if and when you wish for it to be so.</p><p>Sometimes, when the parking lot at the high school stadium is vacant, or something close to it, I park the car and tell you to switch seats with me, and you drive it around the lot, neck straining to see over the hood because, alas, you are quite small, even for a Mini Cooper. You're a good driver. Or, at least, you are a good driver in a parking lot. And I have not pressured you much to do much more than that. When the zombie apocalypse commences you will know how to operate a vehicle, and there will be no one to ticket you for not having a license in any case. Thus, I have done my job as your father. </p><p>Life is different now than it was a generation and two and three ago, when a license and a car were a rite of passage in middle-class America that everyone from Dinah Shore to Woody Guthrie to Nat King Cole to Chuck Berry to Bo Diddley to Bob Dylan to Janis Joplin to Tom Waits to Bruce Springsteen to Roger Taylor to Smokey Robinson to Aretha Franklin to Tracy Chapman to Billy Ocean to Cyndi Lauper to Melissa Etheridge to Taylor Swift has written and sung about. And it's not just that rideshares and public transit apps and work-from-home and doorstep delivery has made having a car a little less necessary than it seemed once upon a time. It's also that the world feels more stressful, and while driving isn't much more dangerous than it ever was, it's still The Wind in the Willows out there and everybody is Mr. Toad.</p><p>All of this brings me to a point beyond driving — and something I'm so proud of you for. Like a lot of people your age, and for perfectly valid reasons, you deeply feel the stresses of this world. I don't need to enumerate the ways in which life as a teenager in the 2020s — looking out into life as an adult in the 2030s and 2040s and 2050s and beyond — might feel fraught, with a new trauma not-so-well hidden around every corner. These things can go without saying. But you're figuring out, a little bit here and a little bit there, how to coexist with all of that stress. Imperfectly, sure, but nonetheless, you're learning to weather these storms — making decisions that I was not mature enough to make when I was 16 and, indeed, that I was not forced to make for the sake of my mental health. One of those decisions is that you've opted not to drive, at least for now. And, I'll be damned, in many ways that's actually given you more freedom. In may ways it's a sign that you are more responsible. In many ways it's one of the most adult choices you've made. It's funny how things work sometimes.</p><p>And honestly, it's been good for me. Because I'm often your driver, for now. And sometimes we drive and talk and talk and talk some more. And other times we cruise in silence. And I'm OK, either way, because I know how precious time with a teen-aged child is. And maybe somebody should write a song about that, you know? </p><p>Because there you are, in my passenger seat, 16 years old and so very smart and so very funny and so very wise and so very hardworking. You know words I don't. You speak of Shakespearean characters as thought you're talking about friends and neighbors. You describe the human experience in ways that I think about for days and weeks and months thereafter. You tell stories, rich and vivid and sad and funny and so very true. You stare out the window and pick apart the world and put it back together in such fascinating ways that I can't help but marvel at that glorious brain inside your head. And I can't wait to see what adventures this year brings for you, as you get more and more comfortable in the driver's seat of your own life, metaphorical though it might remain.</p><p>Love,<br />dad</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-15256848732364122352022-05-27T23:32:00.001-06:002022-05-27T23:32:15.074-06:00BOTH OF THESE<p>Dear Spike,</p><p>Today you turned 15. </p><p>We encouraged you to celebrate with your friends, but you had other plans. You stayed home. You wore pajamas. You made a nest on the couch. You binged on a show that you've been hoping to watch for months. You ate amazing food. </p><p>Not a bad way to mark another turn around the sun. Not bad at all.</p><p>Perhaps I'd be worried if you always wanted to be home, loafing as you did so gloriously today, but in the past year you've grown into a remarkably social person. You look forward to school each day. You play soccer and lacrosse. You were asked to be a teacher's aide in both Chinese and French. You act in school plays. And I cannot begin to describe how proud I am that you have found friends who are — like you — smart, funny, compassionate and supportive. </p><p>So today you took it easy. You spent the day mostly by yourself. You gave some attention to the introverted side of your psyche. I think that was good. In fact, I think it was wise.</p><p>There's a silly thing humans do — something that seems as though it might be wired into us. We turn almost everything into a binary. There are masculine things and feminine things. There are cat people and dog people. There are liberals and conservatives. And there are introverts and extroverts.</p><p>How very ridiculous this is. For none of these things are so simple as either-or. The ambit of all that is before us is wide and varied and ripe for the picking. You never were simply an introvert. And you are not now an extrovert. You care for both of these parts of your identify. And that is healthy.</p><p>It's actually quite easy to lose yourself inside a label, because once you have a name for something — a epithet, for instance, like "introvert" or "extrovert" — then your brain forever has a shortcut for that conceptualization. You don't have to think as much. </p><p>In some ways, I suppose, this can be good. Why spend time reflecting on something you know to be true about yourself, right? You can spend that energy on something else. But when we stop <i>thinking</i> about these qualities that we have adopted and simply accept that they are what we are, we lose an avenue for growth and exploration. </p><p>This is all to say that while there is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted, I'm glad that you didn't decide that was who you are. And while there is nothing wrong with being social, I'm also glad that you have not decided that you need to be connected to others at all times. Your life is richer for the balance.</p><p>And mine is richer — so much richer — because you are in it.</p><p>Love,<br />dad </p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-21374615672671604362021-06-07T22:09:00.001-06:002021-06-07T22:09:46.004-06:00IT'S A LOT<p>Dear Spike: </p><p>You turned 14 last week. You took the past year to work ahead in school (because, as you said many times, "what else am I going to do in a pandemic?") and you worked really hard, and so you're a few years ahead of schedule. You recently finished up your first year of your first college course. (You've been taking Chinese and you're doing great). Last month you began rehearsing for a community musical. It's Matilda; you're Lavender. Tomorrow you begin training with your high school soccer team. It's a lot. And I think that sometimes, lately, you've been feeling overwhelmed. </p><p>It is fine.</p><p>You're as close to a perfect child as I think there has ever been. You are thoughtful, kind and respectful. You work hard in school and sports. You exceed our expectations on a regular basis, and as we have always had quite high expectations for you, that is no small feat. </p><p>But sure, sometimes you fall short. You forget to do something you were supposed to do. You say something without thinking it through. You stumble. You fall. </p><p>And it is fine. </p><p>You get frustrated with yourself when these sorts of things happen. You get down. You get angry. You wrap yourself into emotional pretzels. And in doing so, sometimes, you make things worse.</p><p>I swear to you: It is fine. </p><div>Tonight I told you some stories about when I was about your age and just a bit older. I told you about the trouble I got into. You looked at me a few times as though you thought I was kidding. I was not kidding. And there are more stories where those came from. I'll tell you some in time. And some I probably won't. </div><p>There's trouble and then there's <i>trouble</i>. I never got into the latter. Rather, I think, I was a lot like you. I got into trouble when I was trying so hard. Trying to be brave. Trying to be smart. Trying to be funny. Trying to be more than I was. Trying to meet someone else's expectations for me. Trying to meet <i>my</i> expectations for me. </p><p>But, as it turns out, I was always enough. I was brave enough and smart enough and funny enough and <i>everything</i> enough. It's taken me a very long time to understand that. Too long. </p><p>There's a lot happening in your life right now. It brings me great joy to see you succeeding at so many things, particularly those things that bring you joy, too. But yes, it's a lot. And you're not always going to balance all of those things just perfectly. You're going to feel overwhelmed. You're going to stumble. You're going to fall. You're going to feel frustrated. You're going to get into some trouble. </p><p>It is fine. You are fine. You are enough. You are <i>everything</i> enough. </p><p>Love,<br />dad </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-81638723557388706572021-03-08T10:40:00.001-07:002021-03-08T10:40:11.717-07:00AN ENTIRE YEAR<p>Dear Spike: </p><p>It's been a year, now, since everything hit the fan. Since travel stopped and schools closed. Since friends stopped hanging out and families stopped getting together. Since we stopped going out to eat and started wearing masks everywhere we did go.</p><p>It's been a tough year. And while we have been very fortunate — we have not gotten sick and we have not lost our sources of income — I wanted to acknowledge that good fortune does not make this hardship easy. Especially not for a 13-year-old child. </p><p>I can see how difficult this has been for you. I can imagine myself at your age, and ask myself how I would have felt in this circumstance, and realize that it is a terrible thing for a young teenager to be more or less stuck with their parents for an entire year. </p><p>But you've handled this with aplomb. You have not complained. You have not thrown a fit. You have not lost sight of the fact that the sacrifices you are making are for the benefit of our community and, in particular, the most vulnerable people in that community. (Not everyone sees things in this way, but you do.)</p><p>I have been hesitant to suggest there is a light at the end of this tunnel, but it does seem that we may be coming nearer to a place where something like the normal we once knew becomes the normal we will know. We will travel again. You will go back to school. You will see your friends and extended family. We will go to our favorite restaurants. We will explore the world with our faces exposed to the sun. </p><p>Hold on. This has been very hard, and it may continue to be for some time to come, but we are getting closer. I do believe that.</p><p>It's been a tough year. But you are a tough person. You always have been. And I am very proud of you.</p><p>Love,<br />dad</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-16508044523713892542020-06-04T01:29:00.003-06:002020-06-04T12:15:32.922-06:00THEY STOOD BY<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
Dear Spike,<br />
<br />
I was 11 years old — a few years younger than you are now — when the protests in Tiananmen Square took place. That moment in history is my first vivid political memory, and I remember feeling quite inspired by the young men and women who were risking everything to demand greater freedom.<br />
<br />
I also remember feeling very fortunate to live in a country where people can exercise their right to assemble without risking militaristic reprisals. I felt that way when I was 11, and still when I was 21, and still when I was 31.<br />
<br />
Now I am 41, and on the 30th anniversary of the <i>liùsì shìjiàn</i>, I no longer believe that my nation is much different than the nation that quashed those protests in Beijing, all those years ago, for it is happening here, too.<br />
<br />
Our president has threatened to use the military to quash nationwide protests — the vast majority of which have been very peaceful. He has, in fact, already used military police officers to clear peaceful protesters from the streets in Washington, D.C., so that he could stage a photo op in front of a church that he doesn't attend.<br />
<br />
Even before this, though — and even before this president came to power, our nation's police forces had been militarizing for many years, to the point that it is becoming difficult to see the difference between warfighters and law enforcement officers. Wearing kevlar helmets, decked out in fatigues, holding assault rifles, and riding in mine-resistant armored vehicles, the men and women who are supposed to protect our communities increasingly look like occupiers.<br />
<br />
There are good people in these uniforms. There are some damn good ones. This is true. Yet there do not appear to be enough good ones to stand up to the bad ones — a fact painfully revealed in the video that ignited these recent protests, in which three police officers stand by as a fourth kneels on a man's neck. The man begged for his life. "I can't breathe" he cried.<br />
<br />
Nine minutes later, he was dead.<br />
<br />
They stood by. I cannot get over that they just stood by.<br />
<br />
But this is not surprising. Just a few weeks ago, in our hometown, it was revealed that an officer who was supposed to help a young woman who came to his department seeking protection instead exploited her. Other officers knew, and they did nothing. They stood by. The young woman, who used to attend church with your grandparents, was later murdered by the man she had begged police to protect her from.<br />
<br />
And so it goes. The videos are endless. Police pushing protesters. Police hitting protesters. Police pepper spraying protesters. Police shooting at protesters.<br />
<br />
In one video, from Florida, a police officer violently shoves a woman who was kneeling nearby him. Kneeling.<br />
<br />
That one is different, though. In it, the officer is immediately and angrily confronted by another officer.<br />
<br />
Her name is Krystal Smith. And she would not stand by. She screamed after the officer, chasing after him to dress him down — a strong black woman confronting a pathetic white man.<br />
<br />
We don't have to accept brutality and militarization as the cost of doing law enforcement. We don't have to accept that the blue wall of silence is an inevitable and immoveable force. We don't have to live in a world in which what happened in Tiananmen Square, in the capital of China, is repeated in Lafayette Square, in the capital of the United States.<br />
<br />
We don't have to stand by.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-88224977200774751392020-05-27T20:55:00.000-06:002020-06-04T12:17:11.085-06:00STILL A YEAR<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike,<br />
<br />
Today you turned 13.<br />
<br />
As I have on every one of your birthdays, I took an inventory of the past year, worried that it would suddenly be moving so very quickly, as everyone has told me it does, more and more, faster and faster, as our children age.<br />
<br />
But no. A year is still a year. And thirteen feels as long from twelve as twelve felt from eleven, and eleven from ten, and ten from nine.<br />
<br />
Thank goodness for that, for there is nothing from this year I would have wanted to speed through.<br />
<br />
Oh, to be certain, it has been a different kind of year, a once-a-century-global-pandemic kind of year. A close-down-schools kind of year. A don't-hug-your-grandparents kind of year. A school-play-has-been-cancelled kind of year. A no-party-for-your-thirteenth-birthday kind of year.<br />
<br />
Yes, these things have been hard.<br />
<br />
But this moment in our history also forced our family to slow down. We ate three meals together, each day, for months. We baked and baked and baked. We played jigsaw puzzles. We took walks.<br />
<br />
So, if there was indeed a risk that the world might finally feel as though it was spinning faster, maybe we beat it back.<br />
<br />
And maybe, if and when the world gets back to normal again, we won't be so quick to embrace that normal. Maybe there will be school and soccer and school plays. Maybe you'll get to hug your grandparents again. Maybe, by 14, you'll get to have a birthday party again. I imagine those things are coming soon enough.<br />
<br />
But maybe we'll keep trying to eat together more than we did before. Maybe we'll keep baking and baking and baking. Maybe we'll play jigsaw puzzles. Maybe we'll take more walks.<br />
<br />
I wouldn't mind any of that. For even though it's never seemed to me as though "it all goes by so quickly," you are a teenager now, and will be an adult soon enough, and even though you will always be our baby, I am keenly aware of just how few years we have left in which you are a child.<br />
<br />
And that is OK. I do welcome it. You just keep getting better, after all. So smart. So funny. So passionate. So hard-working. So thoughtful. So scholarly. So tough. So kind. So earnest. So brave.<br />
<br />
So you.<br />
<br />
So, yes, today you turned 13. And it was a very good day.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-91151881548175750792020-03-07T08:03:00.001-07:002020-03-07T08:03:26.710-07:00NO SMALL PARTS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
The middle school production of Newsies was two and a half hours long. You and the other mill girls were on stage for about five minutes. (And by "on stage," here, what I really mean is "on the steps of the stage or in the theater walkways.")<br />
<br />
You didn't have any lines, just verses in the chorus. And from where I was sitting, I couldn't even make out your voice.<br />
<br />
There are no small parts. Only small actors. And small parents, I suppose, because I would have loved to see you in a bigger role.<br />
<br />
Truth be told, I've been a bit annoyed by how much time you've been asked to put into this thing. You had to miss other obligations for all-day Saturday rehearsals, then came home to report that you didn't really do much during those practices. After the first one, you started bringing card games so that you and the other mill girls would have something to do in the hours — hours! — in which you were just sitting around, waiting.<br />
<br />
But, as I should have expected, a lot was forgiven when you came into the theater.<br />
<br />
Now, I'm no about to tell you that you stole the show, or even a scene. What you did do, though, was what you've taught me to expect of you in every facet of your life: You threw yourself into it. Every little bit of choreography. Every facial expression. Everything that could be mustered by a mill girl singing "Seize the Day," you mustered.<br />
<br />
And I think you had fun. Which is the point, after all.<br />
<br />
Maybe next year you'll have a bigger role. Maybe you won't. If you're OK with that then I'm OK with that.<br />
<br />
Seize the day. Or whatever little part of it you can.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-19284946912516054532019-05-27T23:19:00.002-06:002019-05-27T23:19:43.209-06:00JUST TWELVE YEARS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
Today you are 12, and I find myself once again answering the kinds of questions that people ask parents when their children have birthdays.<br />
<br />
"Ah," they say, "they grow up so fast. Why does the time have to move so fast?"<br />
<br />
I usually nod, smile, and chuckle sadly.<br />
<br />
"Why? Indeed," I say, because I know that for many people it is true that time seems to move so very quickly.<br />
<br />
Maybe someday it will be this way for me, too. Perhaps one day I will look back on 16 years, or 18 years, or 21 years and say "ah, they grow up so fast. Why does the time have to move so fast?"<br />
<br />
This has not been my experience. But since I know that's rather unusual, I will cherish and appreciate all of the years that feel like years. And I will cherish and appreciate that, since time only moves in one direction and we have not yet been so clever as to devise a way to get it back, I do not long to have any of those years back.<br />
<br />
This is not because they were not good years. My, how good they have been. How much you have taught me. How many times you have made me laugh. How many hugs you have given, right when I need them, often when I do not even know that I need them.<br />
<br />
But, as your mother is so fond of noting, each new year with you is her new favorite year with you. Mine too.<br />
<br />
And this year, it seems, it is so especially true. You have developed such a quick wit, a quirky humor, and a wisdom the defies your youth. You have begun to hone your insatiable curiosity upon questions that matter.<br />
<br />
You are shy, and yet you long to meet the world and practice every day to improve your Chinese and French.<br />
<br />
You are quiet, and yet on the soccer pitch you are the loudest player. Calling for passes, directing runs, setting up plays. And you see things on that field that few players of your age — of any age, really — are able to see. (We record your goals on your soccer balls. I added them up last year. It was well more than 100 since you began playing.)<br />
<br />
You are tiny but tough. Last week I grabbed you from behind unexpectedly. You punched me in the throat and I fell to my knees, stunned and breathless and in such pain. You apologized profusely, but once I could speak again all I could do was praise your strength.<br />
<br />
You are kind and compassionate. You hurt for others who hurt. You thirst for social justice. You want to be a fighter and you are trying to figure out what that looks like in this world. I wish I could tell you there was plenty of time to figure that all out, but I'm not sure there is. Our world needs people who will fight for the tired, the poor, the huddling masses yearning to breathe free, for it seems we have still not embraced the promise, as Emma Lazarus wrote in "The New Colossus" and as it has been emblazoned on a plaque inside the pedestal of our Statue of Liberty.<br />
<br />
And yet, you are still a little girl. Just twelve years today. And although the troubles of our world are not trifling, I pray that you can cherish and appreciate all of the remaining years of your youth. And I hope these years will feel like years for you, too.<br />
<br />
Maybe at 16, or 18, or 21, you will say "yes, now it is time," and when you do I will love that version of you every bit as much as I love this version of you. And more.<br />
<br />
But, for now, you still like to sleep between us, to draw pictures, to bake cookies, to ride rollercoasters. You still let me sing to you each night.<br />
<br />
Someday, yes, you might move on from these things. And that is how it should be.<br />
<br />
For now, though, I will cherish each day. I will appreciate each year. And I will look forward with joy to all of the days and years to come.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-28131257617293721422018-05-06T14:09:00.001-06:002018-05-08T22:32:28.807-06:00STILL. ALL. MEN.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuMKQLeK2NcZBQgn-tUL068EMUJsADkxW2hhZLh-vs77_D_42yO5QUpADUSEG1ebdjtho2ZNVrRO97RQLKnUGuaAM6GFk_6bjRRMYsHqErq3SvDpzYkXacaV8sRSW1kZ5ONQ5m/s1600/soccer.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuMKQLeK2NcZBQgn-tUL068EMUJsADkxW2hhZLh-vs77_D_42yO5QUpADUSEG1ebdjtho2ZNVrRO97RQLKnUGuaAM6GFk_6bjRRMYsHqErq3SvDpzYkXacaV8sRSW1kZ5ONQ5m/s400/soccer.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">Dear Spike, </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Kelley O’Hara got things
started in the seventh minute, scoring on a beautiful through-ball from Amy
Rodriguez. It was a thing of majesty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Diana Matheson, who has quickly
become our family’s favorite player, added another score in the 66th. It was
one of the best “hustle goals” I’ve even seen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Utah Royals’ first-ever win
was a hell of a show. And I’m so glad we got to be there to see it, along with
7,500 other soccer fans.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">You walked away from the
stadium with a bounce in your step and a smile on your face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And then, this morning, this
happened: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“What do you see?” I asked as I
opened the sports section of our local newspaper’s website.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It didn't take more than a
second for you to see what I'd seen. “All men,” you said, twisting your face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“And what about now?” I asked,
scrolling down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Still all men.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Your breathing became heavy. Your
shoulders tightened. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I scrolled down some more. “Still.
All. Men.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Eventually, we found an article about the Royals there. It was buried between a three-day-old piece about a male ice skater and
another story about stand-out high school athletes—some of which were girls,
although the photo on the link was of boys. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">In fact, most of the photos on
the sports page were of boys. There were 37 photos of male athletes or coaches
on that page. And three women.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Three. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">None of this should ruin your
appreciation of what happened last night. It was a great win. You know that,
even if the people who dictate what media is produced and promoted don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">You’re only 10 years old, but
you’re already learning that women have been and are being largely marginalized
in media of all kinds. They’re quoted less as experts. They have fewer speaking
roles in movies and are often cast as sex objects. And, when it comes to
sports coverage, they’re so widely ignored that they might as well be
non-existent. One recent study even suggested that women’s sports get less
coverage today than 25 years ago.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’d like to say I’ve had a role
in fixing this, but I didn’t even recognize it was a problem until recently.
And, even worse, I didn’t recognize that I was part of the problem. For years,
I didn’t even think about the gender balance of the sources I used in my
stories. And when I finally went back to look at that balance, it didn’t look
good at all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I’m working hard to make
amends, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I failed you, too. You
have every right to be disappointed in me for that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">You’ve been a soccer fan since
you were born. You attended your first game when you were just a few weeks old.
You’ve been kicking a ball since you could walk. And I’m glad that you have the
opportunity to watch women play this game at its highest level.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But you and others shouldn’t
have to work so hard to find women represented, honorably and accurately, in
the media. And people like me need to do better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Much better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Love,</span><span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">dad</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-69540924047089743012018-01-18T15:13:00.002-07:002018-01-18T15:16:09.808-07:00TO HEAR SOMETHING<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Dear Spike: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The other day I was at a restaurant a few miles west of
Boston. I was seated in a booth next to a boy and his father. The boy was about
14, I guess. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He looked terrified.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">It wasn’t my business. I know it wasn’t. But I listened in
on their conversation. I couldn’t really help it, actually. The dad was a loud
guy with a thick Boston accent. He was talking about football. The New England
Patriots were in the playoffs. Their quarterback, Tom Brady, had the rest he
needed after coming off the injured reserve. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“This could be a really special year,” the dad said. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The kid kept trying, and failing, to break into the
conversation, and I could hear his voice becoming more and more agitated. The dad, it seemed, was clueless.=<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And then, finally, this: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Dad… just… I need you to hear something from me.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The dad shut up just long enough for his kid to blurt out: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“I-think-you-already-know-but-I-needed-to-make-sure-because…
I’m-dating-a-boy.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The dad fell silent. He was quiet for a really long time. An
uncomfortably long time. A terrifyingly long time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The boy said “Dad, are you OK?” and there was no response. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I peeked over the booth. The dad was looking down at his
phone, tapping away at something. He wasn’t even looking at his kid. And I just wanted to stand up and punch him. Or maybe not to punch him but scream at him. Or
maybe not to scream at him but to at least put my hand on the boy’s shoulder and
say, “this is not what you deserve,” and "it gets better," and "I <i>promise</i> you that this is not how everyone will react." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">But I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t but I didn’t. It
wasn’t my business, I told myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Dad,” the boy said again, and his voice was growing more
desperate. “Are you OK?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The man remained quiet. Kept tapping away at his
god-forsaken phone. And then the kid said, “just say something, OK? It’s OK if
you’re mad.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the dad finally replied, “just give me a second here,
OK?” and then he said, “does the 30-yard line sound good?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And the boy said, “what?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then the dad was crying. And he said, “Joey, that was the
bravest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m really proud of you. And if we can
get these tickets and leave right now, we can totally make the game tonight.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">“Because this is a big day. You’re… well, shit… I guess you’re
a man today. Because men do brave things. And I’d really like to celebrate that
with you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Then the kid was crying. And I was crying. And there was a
guy at the bar, across from us, who had obviously also been listening in
because he was crying, too. The server came over to my table; there were tears
in his eyes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">And just like that, they were gone. I’m actually not even
sure they paid for their food, which was sort of awkward, but whatever. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I can’t even imagine what last-minute tickets to an NFL
playoff game must have cost. But I really hope they made it to the game. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">I grew up rooting for the 49ers. I'm not much on an NFL fan these days, and I sure as heck am no fan of Tom Brady and his coach, Bill Belichick, but that night I watched the game and I cheered for New England. For Joey and his dad. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;">The Patriots won, by the way. The score was 35-14.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif; font-size: large;">dad</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-69153444905738167232018-01-10T05:47:00.000-07:002018-01-10T05:47:20.644-07:00THEY DEFINE US<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Dear Spike, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m sitting at a coffee shop across the street from one of
the nation’s best children’s hospitals. I should be writing a book right now.
But I’m distracted. I’m in awe. <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Why? <br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because of superheroes, that’s why.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A woman just walked in, wearing a bright blue jacket and
matching pants, with reflective striping on the side. The patch on her sleeve said
“children’s emergency transportation.” It might as well have said “Justice League.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Another woman just came in; a doctor, I gathered, from the
conversation she had with a colleague about a girl brought in last night. They didn’t
know what was wrong. The doctor was heading back to keep working. She looked so
tired.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Somebody just came in and bought all of the cake pops. For
one of the kids to give to some of the other kids, she told the barista. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There’s a girl in an oversized coat and a knit hat. She’s
probably about 13 or 14. I just struck up a quick conversation. She has
appointments all day long. Her mom has to work, so the hospital has assigned
someone to be with her today.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’m at the window. Almost all of the people passing by have
nametags hanging on lanyards. They’re doctors, nurses, techs, orderlies. They’re
all part of this everyday fight for kids.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I remember Fred Rogers once saying that when he was a boy
and he would see scary things in the news, his mother would tell him “<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">Look for the helpers. You will always
find people who are helping.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I
still follow Mr. Rogers’ advice when bad things happen. When there are attacks.
When there are disasters. When there are terrible accidents. I look for the
helpers and I know that the bad things don’t define us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But
lately, God, you know, it’s felt like the whole world is a bad thing happening.
I wonder what’s happened to my country. I don’t recognize it. It feels sad. It
feels scary.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We
don’t have to wait for acutely bad things to happen to look for the helpers,
and to be comforted when we find them. That doesn’t change the bad things, but
it gives me hope. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There
are superheroes all around us. And THEY define us. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Love,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #181818; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">dad</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-76337752294260645362017-09-03T18:40:00.002-06:002017-09-03T18:40:48.051-06:00MORE TO WIN<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
When you asked to run for student government, my consent came with just one stipulation: You needed to be prepared to not win.<br />
<br />
"I understand," you said. "Some of my friends are running, too, so probably at least one of us will win, and we can feel happy for that person."<br />
<br />
"And if none of you do?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Then that's just the way it goes," you said.<br />
<br />
Good enough. God speed. I did student government as a kid. Heck, in a bit of Machiavellian political maneuvering that would make The Prince himself proud, I somehow managed to get myself elected as student government president at my high school. I'm not sure how formative that experience was (and I wasn't very good at it) but it wasn't a <i>bad</i> experience.<br />
<br />
You practiced your speech for days. It was quite good.<br />
<br />
You and your friends all lost. To a girl who ended her speech by doing a back-bend. And of course you lost. How do you compete with a girl doing a back-bend?<br />
<br />
It was a tough loss. You cried. Your mother took you out after school -- to the same diner, as it happens, that we all went to when it was time to tell you that Secretary Clinton had lost the presidential election.<br />
<br />
By the time you'd gotten home, you'd put a brave face back on. But you admitted to me that you were disappointed, and wondered what more you could have done.<br />
<br />
Here's the honest answer, kid:<br />
<br />
You could have done a lot more.<br />
<br />
That's <i>always</i> the answer. In student government elections. In soccer games. In job interviews. In love. It is rare, in my experience, to come upon a person who could not have done more to reach a goal they missed reaching.<br />
<br />
You don't know how to do a back-bend -- at least I don't think you do. But of course you could have done more. Vote For Spike signs. An old-fashioned campaign ballad. Promises to put chocolate milk in all of the drinking fountains.<br />
<br />
Likewise, when your team suffered the rare experience of losing a soccer game last week, you could have done more. You could have taken a few more early shots. You could have sent more passes across the box. You could have run just a little harder, kicked just a little harder, gone shoulder-to-shoulder with those twice-your-size opponents just a little harder. <br />
<br />
Yes, you could have done more to win. But that doesn't mean you would have won.<br />
<br />
The self-evaluation that comes after any sort of loss is important, and it demands of us two different questions.<br />
<br />
"Could I have done more?" is a question we should always ask. It asks us whether we performed at the peak of our capacity. And it almost always ends with the answer "yes," because there's always something that, with the benefit of reflection, is clearly something we could have improved upon.<br />
<br />
"Could I have won?" is a question that we should only ask if the result was a close one. A tight vote. A one-goal game. A job interview process that goes to the very last round, but in which the employer decides to go with the other candidate. And the answer to this is even more likely to be "yes," but that doesn't mean we should have done what would have had to have been done in order to win.<br />
<br />
Because (and you'll hear this a lot in life) winning isn't everything. And sometimes what must be done to win isn't worth doing, because it comes at a cost that is too high to pay for what is being won.<br />
<br />
There are, my child, some things that are worth just about any price. There are times in which we must win regardless of what must be traded away in the deal. I pray you face these situations infrequently, if never at all, for they most often come in matters of life and death.<br />
<br />
In everything else in life, we can say that winning -- while certainly desirous -- isn't everything.<br />
<br />
That shouldn't make losing easy. And it should never prevent you from asking that first, all-important question. But it should help keep winning in perspective.<br />
<br />
Maybe you could have won this one. Maybe you even should have.<br />
<br />
More likely, it was an opportunity to understand the power of bending over backward for the electorate. And, of course, a chance to know what it feels like to lose.<br />
<br />
That's not a feeling I wish for you to have often, but you'll have it. And next time, when you say "that's just the way it goes," you'll know better what it means.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-32962700205231189122017-06-01T00:13:00.001-06:002018-01-18T15:24:03.064-07:00YOU ARE 10<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike,<br />
<br />
Now you are 10.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure that, when I wrote you for the first time many months before you were born, I could have so much as imagined what this day would feel like.<br />
<br />
Pressed to guess, I reckon, I might have said a child's 10th birthday must make her parents feel overwhelmed with a mixture of pride and sadness. With hope and nostalgia. And certainly, most certainly, with some bewilderment over where the last 10 years went.<br />
<br />
There's some of that with me today, I suppose. But not much. For I am proud of the woman you are becoming, and I am saddened by the realization that we're likely past the half-way point of the years in which we'll live together. And I am hopeful, for you have given me no reason to feel otherwise about your future. And I am nostalgic, for who is not when a benchmark is reached?<br />
<br />
But I'm not feeling any of those things overwhelmingly right now. And I'm not wondering at all where the past 10 years went.<br />
<br />
It went on car trips to the West Coast and stroller rides around the park, to soccer and baseball and football games, to banjo music and broken dishes, to New Year's celebrations and Halloween costume making, to first steps and first meals, to tree planting and poker playing and M*A*S*H reruns. <br />
<br />
It went to weddings and funerals, to sleepless nights and trips to Disneyland, to times in which we were together and times in which I went away. To silent movies. To outdoor concerts. To splash in fountains and dig in sandboxes. To playing silly games and singing silly songs.<br />
<br />
It went to China and Mexico and Canada. To the World Cup Final. To the Grand Canyon and Yosemite and Yellowstone. It collected Young Ranger badge after Young Ranger badge. It went on hikes and climbs and floats. It went by bike and horseback.<br />
<br />
It went to swine flu and broken bones and scrapes and scratches and scars. It went on motorcycle rides. It went to school. It went to your grandparents' new home. It went to memorizing the Bill of Rights. It went to learning Chinese. It went snowboarding and snowboarding and snowboarding some more.<br />
<br />
It went to ice skating and roller skating. To soccer and indoor soccer and beach soccer and more soccer. To braces and hat tricks and hauls.<br />
<br />
It went to watch the sun hide behind the moon. It went to see the ocean. It went on roller-coasters. It threw up a lot.<br />
<br />
It went to loss and heartache. It went to new beginnings.<br />
<br />
It went to new elections. To understanding that the world is a very, very complicated place. To worry for hurting friends. To hope. To relief.<br />
<br />
It went to Star Wars. To Phineas and Ferb. To Psych.<br />
<br />
It went to building independence. To making new friends. To big decisions. To changing schools. To our favorite bakery, again and again. To reading books with your mom. To reading books by yourself. To school plays and college lectures. To drawing pad after drawing pad after drawing pad. <br />
<br />
It went to us. And it went to you becoming you.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-51237532582140578672017-05-27T23:22:00.000-06:002017-05-31T23:22:38.163-06:00THAT MAKES 100<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
Since the first time you scored in a soccer game -- on May 5, 2012 -- we've been keeping track of your goals.<br />
<br />
With each new score, we make a note on your soccer ball. And this is how I know that you scored your first brace on Sept. 15, 2012, and that your first hat trick came just under a year later, on Sept. 7, 2013, and that you scored four goals in a game on Nov. 25, 2014, and that you tallied five on Oct. 15, 2016.<br />
<br />
You may chalk up your prolificness to youth soccer being youth soccer. It is and it is not. You are prolific, but you are not a prodigy. You do not score at will. For God's sake, you are consistently the smallest player on the field. Every score is a fight, and multi-goal games, as opposing coaches re-arrange their defense to account for your presence of the field, are an even greater fight.<br />
<br />
Upon those fights you and your teammates have built victories. Most of the time.<br />
<br />
Alas, today's match was a struggle. It was the morning of your 10th birthday, and you started at right wing. Your opponents scored on the opening sequence and you came out a short time later with a bloody nose. (I didn't see how it happened, but I commend whichever kid gave it to you.)<br />
<br />
You and your teammates were down 2-0 at the half, and ultimately lost 4-2.<br />
<br />
It's never fun to end a season with a loss, lest of all on your birthday. You're learning, though, that this is part of sports and part of life. The last time your team lost you cried; you felt as though you'd let your teammates down. This time, as we walked back to the car, you told me that you were quite sure you'd done your best, and that you felt your teammates had, too. That, you said, was the most important part.<br />
<br />
Soccer is hard. And to steal a phrase from a movie about another sport in another time that was, in fact, about every sport in every time, it's <i>supposed </i>to be hard. The hard is what makes it great.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, as I always do, I dutifully Sharpied the goal you scored -- a blast that split the keeper's legs -- onto the ball you've lovingly named "Cat," and I marveled at how marked up she has gotten this season.<br />
<br />
And then, late in the evening, I went to the basement to fetch "Kitty" and "Mao" and all of your other soccer balls. There have been five of them.<br />
<br />
Goal by goal, panel by panel, I tallied your scores. Three goals in a double-header on Oct. 27, 2013. A season-opening hat trick on April 2, 2016. Four goals and an assist in the second-to-last game of this season.<br />
<br />
And this one.<br />
<br />
That makes 100.<br />
<br />
It was late and you had gone to bed. But I crawled up your ladder and peaked my head over the pile of blankets and stuffed animals.<br />
<br />
"Are you awake?" I whispered.<br />
<br />
"Yes," you replied, "I just can't sleep."<br />
<br />
"That's okay, because I have something to tell you," I said. "I went back and counted up all your goals. Your latest one was your 100th goal."<br />
<br />
"100," you said, as plainly as one can say that number.<br />
<br />
"Yes," I said, as proudly as one can say that word.<br />
<br />
"Oh," you said. "Okay."<br />
<br />
And that was that.<br />
<br />
For five years, we've been tracking your goals. I know you're glad that we do, because you often check to make sure I've added your latest score onto your latest ball. But the total number doesn't seem to matter much.<br />
<br />
It's the <i>next </i>one that you covet. And then the one after that.<br />
<br />
For it never comes easy. And the hard is what makes it great.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-8868269805100856002017-03-26T19:31:00.001-06:002017-03-26T21:01:08.240-06:00NEVER BE DONE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM0mjtbmok3ZyvAMl5JpGqo6X5uX4Rhbmh5chq6bRELs0VUHDAX-v9AE2KxiaiTvFFbnVPytjBShEBW2hGho74ZKE8af0HvO-5nnY7Ae2FlAlrAYzY_XY5b2IeYsnCu4o06W84/s1600/alexandjack.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM0mjtbmok3ZyvAMl5JpGqo6X5uX4Rhbmh5chq6bRELs0VUHDAX-v9AE2KxiaiTvFFbnVPytjBShEBW2hGho74ZKE8af0HvO-5nnY7Ae2FlAlrAYzY_XY5b2IeYsnCu4o06W84/s320/alexandjack.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Dear Spike,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I don’t have many
heroes. Life is just simpler that way. It’s hard work balancing fellow human
beings on pedestals, after all. And when they fall, as humans are wont to do,
it always feels as though everything else in the world has been thrown out of
balance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But I like balance. I
thrive in its embrace. So the people I look up to — the people I really, really
look up to — have always been few and far between. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This week I learned
that I had lost two of them. Not because they fell, but because they passed.
And while this is the way heroes should go, everything feels out of balance for
me right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Let me tell you first
about Jack Pearson. I was your age, or perhaps just a little bit younger, when
we met at Mt. Hermon, the camp </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">in California’s Santa Cruz Mountains that </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #202020; font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">my family attended during the summers.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Jack was a singer and a songwriter and a storyteller, and he was brilliant at all of those things but
especially the latter. He was tall and skinny and he wore sort of funny clothes
and sang really funny songs. He told stories around the campfire and strummed a
guitar and forced us to sing along. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And yes, when I say
“forced us” I really do mean “forced us,” because as much as my memory tells me
there was no gun to my head, it also tells me that I really didn’t want to sing,
for summer camp is a time in which you get to pretend that you are a very cool
kid among other kids who only know you for a week and thus might not realize it
is not humanly possibly that you are, in fact, a very cool kid. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">And singing? When
you’re 10 or 11 or 12? Not really cool. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Yet sing I did.
Loudly and elatedly, much as I did not want to. For when Jack began to sing of
Eeekebee, the mighty mouse, and Old Blue, the loyal dog, I could not help
myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">It has been two
decades since I last hiked the Santa Cruz Mountains, and longer than that since
I last saw Jack, but I cannot think of family camp without thinking of him, and
his songs and stories have stayed with me in all the years that have passed.
That’s what stories do, after all. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">About a year and a
half ago, a song entered my head and would not leave. It was a song Jack had
sung, long ago, about Velcro (yes, Velcro) and I could remember almost all of
the words — but not all of them. That’s what happens when
you get older, I suppose. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">But we live in a
magical time, so it was just a matter of moments before I’d found Jack’s
website and ordered the album online. A few moments later, I found Jack’s email
address, and shot him a note to let him know how excited I was to be able to share
his songs with you. Jack wrote back the next day, thanking me for the order and
offering his assurances that the CD would arrive shortly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Interesting to see
that your path has led you into journalism,” he wrote, apparently having taken
notice of the signature line in my email. “We’ll never be done telling
stories, so I think you're safe there.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">This is not what
people usually say when they learn I am a journalist. In fact, I can remember
only one other person who had ever equated this career with anything resembling
job security. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">That was Alex Tizon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The Pulitzer
Prize-winning journalist’s work for The Seattle Times, and later for The Los
Angeles Times, inspired me to think about the possibilities inherent — in
everything. Alex’s view, which became my view, was that there is no event, no
issue, and no moment in the human experience that could not become a compelling
story if only we studied it closely, honed our focus deeply, and then committed
to making it so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Alex and I made the
move to teaching in the same year — him at the University of Oregon and me at
Utah State University. We met up in Eugene in 2012, when I inexplicably was a
recipient of an award for ethics in reporting that is sponsored by his school.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“You know what I’ve
already come to hate?” I said as we discussed the challenges of our career
transitions. “I really dislike how many people question the ethics of
encouraging younger people to go into journalism.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Yeah,” Alex sadly
agreed. “People act like we’re telling them to flush their futures away.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Indeed, I’d heard
those sorts of comments enough that I was beginning to wonder if I was simply
ignoring a reality that everyone else in the world could see. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“But… we’re not…
right?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">“Our species, you
know — we’ve always been storytellers,” he told me. “And we always will be.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Jack’s memorial will
be in California in May. Alex’s will be this Saturday in Washington. In both
instances, I will be off telling stories. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">I reckon that’s a
good way to honor my heroes. And I reckon that’s where I’ll find balance again.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="background: white; color: #202020; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Love,<br />
dad</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-83419229718592622302016-12-29T00:51:00.000-07:002016-12-29T00:58:37.086-07:00LEIA SHOT FIRST<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibwy7jr-eKeAaCJ76xs093w7a7rJs72aVx_rhIhI2Xgp68VzxLTPDlj7ozP8KecMH_UQ7H6_Qyb51JNNhfvH0_iYMc4n-TptumREvfhMv00S2EE-SKbwNuwLv1eTc8uxthXj2d/s1600/Princess+Leia+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibwy7jr-eKeAaCJ76xs093w7a7rJs72aVx_rhIhI2Xgp68VzxLTPDlj7ozP8KecMH_UQ7H6_Qyb51JNNhfvH0_iYMc4n-TptumREvfhMv00S2EE-SKbwNuwLv1eTc8uxthXj2d/s320/Princess+Leia+1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br />Dear Spike:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">I don’t think I fully appreciated how much I wanted to be sitting next to you at the latest Star Wars movie until I wasn’t. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">My friend Robert and I had left the ski resort with three hours to spare before show time. Three and a half hours later we were still stuck in a long line of traffic as emergency crews cleared a multiple-car pile up at the bottom of the canyon. We sang Christmas carols to pass the time. And for my part, I suppose, to keep from crying.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">One of my earliest memories is of walking past a row of movie posters outside a theater with my father. This would have been around 1984, I suppose. “Let’s peek inside to see if there’s a new Star Wars movie coming out,” he said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There wasn’t. And there wouldn’t be for many, many years to come. By that time I was in college, and on opening night I brought Casey, a young boy I was mentoring. He spent most of the time fidgeting on the floor, but he perked up when Jar Jar Binks came on screen — as, for the record, do you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">(A quick side note: Everyone cheered and applauded at the end of "The Phantom Menace" on that night. These days most folks will tell you that Episode I was a complete disaster — and they’ll trot our poor Jar-Jar as exhibit A — but unless that theater was an absolute outlier, most of those naysayers have significantly changed their minds over time. They all loved it until they found out it wasn’t cool to love it.)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">So, yeah, I love me some Star Wars. Always have. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Now you’re old enough to share this joy with me. It’s a nerdy joy, for sure, but that’s OK. And I suppose that there was something kind of great about the fact that your mother didn’t think twice about whether or not you two would go to the opening night of "Rogue One" without me. Of course you were going.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It would be several more days before I could score the time and tix to see the flick. To your credit, you didn’t spoil the oh-my-God-did-Disney-really-do-that ending. But you did mention that Princess Leia shows up. You just couldn’t hold that in.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And I understand.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Last night our family snuggled up together to watch "A New Hope." I don’t think you’d caught on that it was a memorial viewing, and that’s fine — for all I know you might have already assumed Carrie Fisher was dead.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I’ve seen Episode IV hundreds of times. I know every character. I know every line. But I noticed a few things for the first time last night.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">First of all, forget the controversy over Han and Greedo. Who cares? Because you know who actually shot first?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Leia. Leia shot first. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Long before we meet Han and Chewbacca. Before we meet Luke and Ben. Before we set eyes upon the twin setting suns of Tatooine or feast upon the bureaucratic squabbling of the Galactic Empire or have a bad feeling about this, Leia unloads her blaster on a storm trooper.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She’s a teenager. Entrusted by her adopted father with the most important piece of information in the history of the rebellion. And she’s taking out frickin’ storm troopers. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Oh, then she’s tortured, and she doesn’t give up the location of the hidden rebel base. And then her home planet is threatened with complete annihilation, and she doesn’t give up the location of the hidden rebel base. And then she’s threatened with execution, and she doesn’t give up the location of the hidden rebel base.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then we meet Luke — who is all of 32 seconds older than Leia and ostensibly the hero of this whole saga — and he’s whining about power converters, losing his uncle's droids and getting the crap kicked out of him by sand people.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Who's the hero here, really? I think it's pretty clear.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I certainly don’t need to tell you how I feel about the princessification of our culture. <a href="http://dearspikelovedad.blogspot.com/2012_10_01_archive.html">We’ve.</a> <a href="http://dearspikelovedad.blogspot.com/2011_11_01_archive.html">Been.</a> <a href="http://dearspikelovedad.blogspot.com/2009/12/in-shining-armor.html">Over.</a> <a href="http://dearspikelovedad.blogspot.com/2006/11/ok-proposition.html">That.</a> </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But as princesses go, Leia’s pretty much a bad ass. And today I’m feeling thankful to Carrie Fisher for bringing her to life and, in doing so, setting the stage for Star Wars heroines to come. You live in a world of Rey and Jyn because of Leia. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I really do wish I hadn’t missed out on the Rogue One opening. But you and your mom didn’t need me to be there to validate your love of Star Wars. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Because it’s your galaxy, too. And it always has been.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Love,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: large;">dad</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-30429734130195001382016-12-07T22:45:00.000-07:002016-12-29T00:55:35.332-07:00LOOKING RIGHT BACK<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dear Spike:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Your great grandfather was your age when Pearl Harbor was attacked.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't imagine what it must have been like for a child of that age to watch his country go to war — chiefly because I never asked him. When did he hear the news? Did he know what it meant? Did he remember hearing President Roosevelt's speech the following day? How did life change? How did childhood change?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't know. And today, on the 75th anniversary of the bombing of the attack that drew our nation into World War II, I am feeling regretful.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And determined.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Your grandfather was your age when President Kennedy was killed.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't imagine what it must have been like for a child of that age to learn his nation's president had been murdered — I've never asked him. But the next time we speak, I will. I'll ask him how he heard the news. I'll ask him what he remembers from that day. Did he remember watching Vice President Johnson take the oath of office? Did he recall Lee Harvey Oswald's murder, two days later?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There's so much more to learn, of course. And not just about days that will live in infamy.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Your grandmother wasn't too much older than you are now when Neil Armstrong took a giant leap for mankind.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">I can't imagine what it must have been like to look to our moon and know that someone up there was looking right back, for it has never happened in my lifetime. Does she remember watching the landing on TV? Did she remember when the Apollo 11 crew splashed down, a few days later? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">We should ask, don't you think?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">dad</span><br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-28407603955383165852016-11-09T09:21:00.002-07:002016-11-09T09:21:33.350-07:00ANOTHER PROMISED LAND<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Dear
Spike,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">We
stopped the car in the café parking lot, six minutes before the restaurant
would open. Your mother looked at me and nodded. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“So,”
I said, turning to face you in the back seat, “there was an election
yesterday.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You
knew that, of course. You’ve been paying attention. We’ve been talking about
this. You knew history was at hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">As
plain as I could, I told you what had happened. It took all of 10 or 20 seconds
to do so. Your mother reminded you that you would be OK; it was important to us
that you heard that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Your
eyes did well, if just a bit, but you did not cry. You did not complain. You
did not give any hint of anger. You listened and nodded and laughed when I told
you that, if nothing else, this leaves open the possibility that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i> could be the first woman president
of our country.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">“Of
course, you’ll have to be older than I am now,” your mother noted. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Ah
yes, that. I did some quick math in my head. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">You
could run…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">…
in 2044.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">My
God, let it not be that long.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">It
wasn’t until 144 years after our independence that women won the right to vote.
Nearly a century later we still haven’t put a woman in the Oval Office. We’ve
waited long enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Women make up 51
percent of our nation’s population, but just 20 percent of Congress and 25
percent of state-level elected leaders. There’s no sense in this. There’s no
sense at all. The halls of our capitol buildings don’t have to be a faultless
microcosm of all of the different kinds of diversity in our nation — we enjoy <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">such</i> diversity that this would not be possible
— but it should be close. And, particularly where gender is concerned, there is
no reason for it not to be. There’s no good reason at all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">But nothing our
people have ever done for the cause of equality has come easy. Not human
rights. Not voting rights. Not civil rights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Pray to ask
Frederick Douglass. Pray to ask Susan B. Anthony. Pray to ask Martin Luther
King. Pray to ask Harvey Milk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">They all saw their
promised lands. They may not have gotten there with us — but they knew we, as a
people, would get there. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">We, as a people,
are nomadic by nature. It is among the most defining attributes of our species
that we journey, settle, become restless and journey again. There is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">always</i> another promised land. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">There is always
another ceiling to smash through. And yes, this one has proven tough to crack,
but our people will break through. And it will happen soon. And then we will
settle. And then we will become restless. And then we will journey forth again.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">There was an
election yesterday. And it did not go the way you wanted. But next year, at
this time, there will be another vote. And the year after that, there will be
another vote. And the year after that, there will be another vote. For school
board members and city councilors and mayors and legislators. For senators and
representatives and attorneys general and governors. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">The cause of
creating a government that better reflects our vast diversity — not just in the
Oval Office but in every office — will never be our <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i> concern. But it’s clear today, more than ever before, that we
can do better. And we will. We will soon. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Mark my words, my
child: By the time you’re old enough to be president, it won’t be a big deal
that you are.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">For history is
still at hand. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ascii-font-family: Cambria; mso-hansi-font-family: Cambria;">Love,<br />
dad<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-33362330688490519882016-11-08T11:05:00.000-07:002016-11-08T11:05:28.337-07:00AMERICA WAS GREAT<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">Dear
Spike,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
woke, this morning, in a warm room, in a sturdy home, in a safe city, in a
great nation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">Yes,
a great nation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
know that on this day, Election Day, not everyone is feeling this way. I am not
so blinded by my privilege that I believe everyone should.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">But
today, as I made omelets for you and your mother with eggs from our chickens
and tomatoes from my mother’s garden and cheese from my friend’s hometown in
Oregon, and milk from a dairy just north of here and bacon…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">…
well, from Costco, I suppose…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">…
all drawn from a refrigerator running last night, as it does every night, on
reliable electricity, and then as I made coffee with safe water from my tap,
and danced with you in our kitchen to the song of a Memphis-born musician, and
forgot that today was Election Day and then remembered so again, and then drove
you to the public school where your mother teaches and you study, your classrooms
so close that you can sometimes hear one another over the drone of so many
other teachers teaching and so many other students learning, I drove away, past
two orange-vested crossing guards and a parade of children and parents walking
along public streets to a public school. And in that moment, America was great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
took Harvey Milk to State, and State to MLK, and MLK to Rio Grande, and wondered
as I drove whether Milk and King had ever even stepped foot in Utah and why a street
in Salt Lake City is named for a river 700 miles away. (Yes, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Salt Lake Tribune</i> tells me, King was
here in 1961. It’s not clear Milk was ever here. And God only knows about Rio
Grande Street.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">And
God only knows the stories of all of the people who live on Rio Grande Street,
in tents when they are lucky and blankets when they are less so and nothing at
all when they are even less so. And God knows we haven’t done everything we can
to help them, but God also knows there are no right answers to this perfect
storm of an opiate epidemic and residual recession and a housing crunch and the damned-if-you-do consequences of pledging to house our homeless, for this has undoubtedly invited more homeless, though
God knows we’re trying; imperfectly, we’re trying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">A
police officer stopped his cruiser in front of me, jumped out of the vehicle,
and walked toward a gray-bearded black man in a frayed brown jacket who was
lying on the sidewalk, and instinctively I readied the video camera on my phone
for a confrontation, but instead the officer helped the man to his feet, dusted
off his shoulders, and </span><span style="font-size: 15pt;">gave him a hug.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
know this is not how every interaction goes between police and the homeless of our
city. But this is how this interaction goes. And in that moment America was
great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
waited for the train, double-stacked with cargo containers marked by graffiti
artists from around the nation, maybe around the world. Waiting on the street
by my car was an Indian man on a bicycle and a white woman in tennis shoes, a
pair of black pumps sticking out of her handbag. The train rumbled by us all
and I flipped through my social media feeds and it seemed as though a softer,
kinder tone had suddenly taken over the world of Facebook and Twitter. And I
know this is what the algorithms have decided I will see today and I know it
won’t last anyway, but I breathed it in for a moment as the last flatcar passed
and the gate opened and I saw, on the other side, a motley mix of pedestrians,
men and women, all colors, all ages, in dapper suits and tattered coats,
stepping across the tracks, heading downtown. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
passed a yellow Volkswagen Beetle and punched myself on the shoulder because you
were not there to punch me; such is the frivolity of my life that I play "slugbug" with myself. And I turned my car toward a coffee shop, a local joint founded
by a Mexican artist and her activist husband, where to enter one must pass, and
one really must stop to read, the words of the poet Francisco X. Alarcon,
“there is an Arab within me,” the white vinyl letters on the window proclaim,
“who prays five times each day.” Inside, John Coltrane plays. On the wall, over a picture of King and
Gandhi, is a wooden sign. “Nobody gets in to see the Wizard,” it says. “Not
Nobody. Not No how.” And across from that, on an easel, is a chalk drawing of
Prince. Today’s special is a Purple Rain Latte; lavender, white chocolate and
vanilla. I ordered my coffee black.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">Next
to the tip jar on the counter there was a sign; all tips today would be matched
and sent to the protesters at Standing Rock. I commended this action, and the
woman behind the counter shrugged her tattooed shoulders. “Today seemed like a
good day to do something good,” she said. “You know, Election Day and all.” And
in that moment America was great.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">I
do not imagine we cannot be better. I do not imagine we cannot be much, much
better. But I do not imagine that believing in the greatness of my nation
prevents me from believing we can be greater still.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">And
I do not know how today will end, but I know we will not leave this day
unchanged. And I am sad to know that the nation I fell in love with this
morning, all over again, will not be the nation I wake to tomorrow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 12.0pt;">
<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">But
I am confident I will love her still, for this is how love works. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15.0pt;">Love,<br />
dad<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-70953742307042574812016-07-02T01:05:00.001-06:002016-07-02T01:05:29.662-06:00WE GET SCARS<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike,<br />
<br />
It's too early to know for sure how bad the scar will be, but at least for now it looks like a pirate took a sword to my face.<br />
<br />
And I like it. It suits me, I think.<br />
<br />
That's not to say I'd keep it if I had the choice. I most certainly wouldn't. But I don't have a choice in the matter. Sometimes in life things happen that we cannot control. Sometimes we get scars.<br />
<br />
Two of your mother's three sisters are cancer survivors. So is my father. So am I now, I suppose, although it feels like an exaggeration of magnificent proportions to say so. Basal cell carcinoma is cancer in the way that the eight-inch dwarf lanternshark is, in fact, an actual shark. It qualifies, but only just technically.<br />
<br />
Regardless, this much is clear: You likely carry a genetic susceptibility to cancer that's a bit higher than other people. Genes aren't fate, though. Not usually, at least. Susceptibility and inevitability are two different things, and there are endless healthy things we can do to lower our risk.<br />
<br />
Sunscreen, for instance. I didn't wear it much as a kid and, rather unwisely, didn't use it nearly as much as I should have as an adult. The result was a carcinoma on my face, and a little surgery on Thursday of this week to have it cut away.<br />
<br />
We're pretty good about making sure you're wearing sunscreen, but you're approaching the part of your life where these sorts of things are going to become your on responsibility.<br />
<br />
And sunscreen is just the start. The kinds of food you eat. The amount of water you drink. The kinds of work you do. The kinds of activities in which you engage. All of these things can affect the expression of your genes, for better or worse. And yes, there's good evidence that even people with higher susceptibility to diseases like cancer can significantly decrease to chances of getting it by making good choices about their personal health.<br />
<br />
I don't want you to obsess. I simply want you to be aware of the things you can do to give yourself the best shot at a healthy life. You know, like wearing sunscreen.<br />
<br />
After that, life will do what life does. That's just the way it goes. Sometimes we get scars.<br />
<br />
May all your scars suit you.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-79930666738816563032016-06-11T01:30:00.004-06:002022-05-27T23:40:55.837-06:00A CHAMPIONSHIP PARADE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
My heart is unexpectedly heavy for Cleveland tonight.<br />
<br />
I'm not quite sure why. I don't recall ever visiting the Metropolis of the Western Reserve. As a matter of fact, I'm not even so sure I've ever been to Ohio at all.<br />
<br />
But when I was just a few years older than you, and basking in a period of time in which it seemed Bay Area sports teams were simply destined for championships, I also came upon the realization that not every sports fan has it so easy — and that Cleveland fans, in particular, had been waiting a particularly long time for a championship parade.<br />
<br />
I wouldn't have known this at all had it not been for two things.<br />
<br />
First, my Babe Ruth Baseball team was called the Indians, and I spent just about every waking moment in my blue and red Chief Wahoo hat. It's actually quite embarrassing to recall, now, because the Cleveland Indians logo is really nothing short of a racial caricature, though at the time, having been told that some small fraction of some small fraction of my bloodline was Potawatomi, I mistakenly thought I was bearing some part of my heritage. Also, our team was quite good.<br />
<br />Second, the movie <i>Major League</i> came out, which was my first introduction to Charlie Sheen and Weslie Snipes (and also to such insults as "f**k wad" and "stick it up your f**king ass" — I'm still not sure why I was allowed to watch that movie.) The plot centered around the woebegone Indians and their villainous owner's attempts to move the city's baseball team to Miami. At the point that movie came out, no Cleveland team had won a championship in a quarter century.<br />
<br />
Another quarter century has come and gone since then, and Cleveland's still waiting.<br />
<br />
Last year seemed like it might be the year the curse would end. LeBron James, who started his career in Cleveland before taking his talents to Miami (where he won two NBA championships,) was back in the City that Rocks and the Cavs were up against a Golden State Warriors team that just about everyone seemed to think was not as good as its regular season record. With several Cav players injured, though, Cleveland fell in six games to the Warriors.<br />
<br />
I'm not sure anyone outside of Cleveland thought the Cavs had a chance this year in what turns out to be a repeat of last year's series against a Warriors team that only got better, setting a regular season record with 73 wins and just nine losses. But hope springs eternal, and after falling hard in the first two games in Oakland, the Cavs dismantled the Dubs in Game 3.<br />
<br />
Then tonight's happened. The Warriors dropped 17 three-pointers on the Cavaliers en route a 108-97 victory. And while the series certainly isn't over, no team has ever come back from a 3-1 deficit in the NBA Finals. <br /><br />
Why am I telling you all of this? I suppose to set expectations.<br />
<br />
You see, I never had to wait long for a local team to hoist a trophy. The year I started paying attention to professional sports, the Oakland A's had the best record in baseball and, although they were upset in the World Series by the dastardly Dodgers, they once against posted the best record in the show and returned to the series the following year. There, they defeated another Bay Area team, the Giants, in a year in which the San Francisco 49ers had the best record in football and destroyed the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl.<br />
<br />
The following year, the 49ers did it again — the fourth of five Super Bowls that team won between 1983 and 1995. God Bless Joe Montana, Steve Young and especially Jerry Rice.<br />
<br />
In 1991 the Bay Area got a hockey team. In 1996, we added a soccer team (your grandfather helped start that franchise — and I got to be there for the first game in Major League Soccer history.) It took a while for the Sharks to get good, but the Earthquakes won their first MLS Cup in 2001 and added another in 2003, God bless Landon Donovan.<br />
<br />
In 2010, the Giants won the World Series. In 2012, they did it again. In 2014, they did it again. God bless Buster Posey, forever and ever, amen.<br />
<br />
Then, last year, Stephen Curry and the Warriors destroyed everything we knew about basketball. And this year they destroyed what they had already destroyed. Meanwhile, the once hapless Sharks are playing for the Stanley Cup.<br />
<br />
So then, back to expectations: This sort of stuff <i>can</i> happen in sports cities, but it usually doesn't. Your town usually doesn't go 50-plus years without a championship, and it usually doesn't win ring after ring after blessed ring, never waiting more than a few years from one to the next.<br />
<br />
If you latch onto the teams around here, for instance, you'll likely be waiting a long time for a parade. The Utah Jazz have made two appearances in the NBA Finals (both losses, both long before you were born) and haven't gotten close since. Real Salt Lake won its one and only star in 2009 and, much as I'd love to say otherwise, putting a second star to the right is probably a dream worthy of Neverland.<br />
<br />
Whatever happens to your teams will happen very much irrespective of anything you do. You can wear the hats and fly the flags and only wear your lucky bra on game days, but ultimately sports fandom is a lot like the rest of life. We don't deserve good teams or bad teams — we just sort of luck into them.<br />
<br />
Take it, then, for what it's worth. Fandom is joy and pain, and usually more of the latter than the former. You'll know that going in, of course, but it won't really change anything.<br />
<br />
And yet we do it anyway. Because there's always next season. A hope for a winning season. Of a run deep into the playoffs. Of a championship parade. <br /><br />And hope is a beautiful thing.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-63934211098326720602016-05-27T23:28:00.000-06:002016-06-07T23:30:27.493-06:00DECIDING FOR YOURSELF<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike,<br />
<br />
Now you are nine.<br />
<br />
People always say of children, "they grow up so fast," but I've never felt that way. Sure, I can remember many parts of the day you were born like it was yesterday, but it wasn't yesterday. It was nine amazing years ago and it feels to me like nine years should.<br />
<br />
You're growing more independent. Walking by yourself to friends' homes to play. Getting ready on your own for soccer practice. Snowboarding solo on our great big mountain. Taking accountability for starting your own homework. Drawing your own baths. Deciding for yourself when to turn in for the night.<br />
<br />
I suppose I should feel like I'm losing you. I don't at all. Much to the contrary — I feel like I'm gaining more of you. Every decision you make on your own is a part of you revealing yourself to the world. In this way, I'm getting to know who you really are.<br />
<br />
And I like the person I'm meeting.<br />
<br />
You are exceptionally kind. Generous. Polite. Thoughtful of others.<br />
<br />
You are smart. Witty. Sarcastic. Funny.<br />
<br />
You are athletic. Strong. Sometimes timid. A little bit shy.<br />
<br />
You are both adventurous and cautious. You are both silly and serious. You are both easily distracted and very focused. You are both me and your mother.<br />
<br />
But you are, more and more every day, you.<br />
<br />
And I love you. I couldn't love you more. Not today, at least.<br />
<br />
Tomorrow, though, is a different story. Somehow I'll love you even more then.<br />
<br />
Happy birthday.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-23489341397571185942016-04-16T23:17:00.000-06:002016-06-07T23:17:39.858-06:00BY YOUR LONESOME<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
The timing could not have been more perfect.<br />
<br />
On the morning of Jan. 31, you took your first solo snowboard ride. A few hours later, I smashed into an aspen tree, breaking my leg in too many places to count.<br />
<br />
My season was over. Yours was not yet halfway through.<br />
<br />
There were days, here and there, that you rode with others. The Campos family took you out a few times. My good friend Robert rode with you on another occasion. Your mother, brave woman she is, learned to downhill ski in no small part so that she could ride with you.<br />
<br />
But for the most part you were on your own. I'd crutch over with you to the bottom of the lift, give you a hug, and you'd be on your way. Oh, the double takes you got from the lifties when you'd hop onto a chair all by your lonesome.<br />
<br />
Of course I wish I had not broken my leg. Of course I wish I'd not had to deal with the pain and the limited mobility. Of course I wish I could have kept riding with you.<br />
<br />
But what happened happened. And because it did, you got to make the mountain your own this season. And I figure that's a good thing, because we live in a world in which kids — and particularly only children like you, it seems — don't get as many chances to practice being independent as they probably need.<br />
<br />
I'll be back next season. We'll ride together again. But I'll also understand when you tell me, now and then, that you'd just like to ride alone.<br />
<br />
Sometimes that's the way it's supposed to be.<br />
<br />
Love,<br />
dad </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-78088251712562083652016-02-13T11:25:00.001-07:002016-02-13T11:31:43.197-07:00OVER AND ABOVE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Dear Spike,<br />
<br />
I'm not registered with a political party, and while I have the option of voting in the Democratic primary in our home state, I probably won't do so.<br />
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I suppose that makes what I am about to share with you a moot opinion, but I'd thought I'd share it with you anyway, because there is an increasingly heated debate going on among our progressive friends that I imagine you might someday want to understand.</div>
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At its best, this debate has been quite nuanced and interesting. At its worst it has been sexist and destructive. Either way, it's complicated, but it sort of comes down to this question: Is it wrong to vote for a woman because she is a woman?</div>
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You're just eight years old, but you already understand privilege quite well. You understand that our family, largely by virtue of historical factors that are far out of our control, has enjoyed practically unfathomable benefits of wealth, power, safety and stability. As you grow older, some of your friends who are in a similar socio-economic situation — and even some who are better off – might try to convince you that we're not as privileged as we could be or should be. That's unadulterated bologna. Historically speaking, we're practically royalty.<br />
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I'm a white, middle-class, college-educated man born to parents who taught me the value of hard work, esteemed education, and helped me understand that there is a difference between being entitled and feeling entitled. I've had a few opportunities to see that latter lesson played out in my life as I've occasionally sought to move from one job to another. I'm pretty sure, for instance, that I've lost out on a few opportunities here and there to minority and female candidates, and I'm very much at peace with that. It doesn't wash away my privilege to grant someone else an opportunity when all other things about us are practically equal. (And, of course, they're not equal, for I cannot possibly conceive of how much my own race and gender has contributed to the fortunes I've enjoyed in this world.) </div>
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For all of these reasons, I have no qualms with the idea of Affirmative Action, which at its most basic simply states that when all other things are practically equal, the progressive move is to help the person who comes from a historically less privileged group.<br />
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And that brings me to the debate at hand: Should voters consider Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's gender when they decide whether to support her or Sen. Bernie Sanders for the Democratic nomination for president of the United States? <br />
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I know that not everybody see things this way, but when I look at Clinton and Sanders, I haven't yet seen one person who is a substantially better choice in <i>every</i> meaningful way to be the chief executive of our nation, the commander in chief of our military, and arguably the most powerful single human being on our planet.</div>
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Our country is in dire need of an honest chief executive — advantage, I suppose, to Sanders. Our nation is in dire need of someone with a deep and nuanced understanding of the international challenges we face — advantage, almost certainly in my mind, to Clinton. And yes, I'd like someone who can help reduce the influence of money in our political system. Advantage to Sanders for being a virtuous broker of that goal; advantage to Clinton for being someone who might actually be able to move the needle — since I'm not sure we can expect more, giving the political, legal and constitutional obstacles before us, than needle moving when it comes to this problem.</div>
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For me, all of that comes before gender even enters the mix. But I'm not sure it has to be that way. <br />
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For all of the good and all of the bad that President Barack Obama has done since his election, I believe the most substantial contribution he will make to our nation, over and above what I would have expected from any other Democratic president (or, quite frankly, from any president of either party) is that he was our nation's first black president. As I have written to you before, there will never be a time in your memory in which a black man had not been the leader of our nation. </div>
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For all of the good and bad she will do while she is mayor of our city, I believe the most substantial contribution Jackie Biskupski will make, over and above the potholes and streetlights she will fix just like any other mayor would, is that she is the first gay mayor of Salt Lake City. You will never live in a world in which it is inconceivable that a lesbian could be the mayor of the capital of the most conservative state in our union.<br />
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It is therefore to me not inconceivable in any way that more good could come from having a woman in the Oval Office than bad could come from what she might do once she gets there, over and above what any president — man or woman, black or white, God-fearing or atheist, capitalist or socialist — will do.</div>
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Someday, perhaps, there will come a time when the power brokers in our country look less like me and more like you — and when they look less like us and more like the rest of our nation. And perhaps there will also come a time in which someone might distinguish themselves as so capable, so different, so uniquely qualified as to be a clearly better choice than anyone else. I know some people feel that they are seeing this in Sanders. By the same token, some people see this in the demagogue who is currently leading the national polls for the Republican nomination. </div>
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For my part, I have never been and do not expect to ever be satisfied with a president, or with any politician for that matter. It greatly troubles me that we are so quick to elevate people — who are supposed to be putting themselves forward as potential public <i>servants</i> — as heroes and saviors. I don't see Clinton or Sanders as anything more than flawed human beings who each have potential to help and to harm the progress our nation is making, and whose future failures and successes cannot possibly be known, since the challenges they would face as president cannot possible be known.</div>
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And so, as to this debate, I suppose my answer is this: I would not see a vote for a woman because she is a woman as a vote against liberalism, progressivism or virtuous citizenship, let alone feminism. I would conclude it was righteous, reasonable and rational. I would conclude it was an affirmative action on behalf of a nation founded on the principle "that all men are created equal," and which still has a long way to go before realizing that all women are, too.<br />
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Love,</div>
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dad</div>
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</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35419776.post-67195779092664033772016-02-05T03:00:00.000-07:002016-06-07T23:48:58.385-06:00A WORTHWHILE EXERCISE<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Dear Spike:<br />
<br />
It's 2:42 in the morning, and I'm up to my blood-shot eyeballs in papers from my students.<br />
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The next few weeks will be like this. Then a few things will happen. First, some of these students will drop out of my class. Next, those who remain will slowly start to improve. That will make things easier, but not easy. Teaching is never easy. Not good teaching, at least.<br />
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I don't have to work this way. It seems clear to me that there are plenty of teachers out there who have figured out how to do just enough to get by. I suppose they must get more sleep than I do, but I don't really understand what else they get out of that arrangement. Why teach if you're not going to <i>teach</i>?<br />
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You can do whatever you want in life, kid, but since both of your parents are teachers (and your grandmother, too) I suppose there's a decent chance that you might decide to try your hand at this teaching thing, too.<br />
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If you do, you'll almost certainly be expected to adopt a teaching philosophy. You will be tempted to brush over this. Please don't do that. Take it seriously.<br />
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I won't bore you with my whole treatise on teaching, but I'll share with you a few parts that are important to me.<br />
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">• In all things, I set high standards in deference to my belief that we
value most that which we have worked hardest to achieve.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">• There is no perfect approach to teaching... our diverse
and dynamic culture demands that even the most excellent educators must shift
their thinking and approaches from time to time, and even from student to
student.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">• </span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I believe in the power of education. </span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">• I am very fortunate to have been
given the honor of helping my students become better thinkers, communicators,
citizens and storytellers.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></i>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Over the years, I coupled my teaching philosophy with my creed — a simple statement of personal beliefs that help guide my actions from day to day, and which I began developing as a sophomore in high school and which I'm still working on today.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I doubt anyone will ever ask you to develop a creed, but it's a worthwhile exercise. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here's mine: </span><i style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
will work harder today than I did yesterday; </span></i><i style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
will care more today than I did yesterday; </span></i><i style="text-indent: 0.5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
will be more passionate today than I was yesterday.</span></i><br />
<!--EndFragment--><br />
I don't know if these are the best rules to teach by and live by, but they work for me. Whether you teach or not, I hope you'll recognize the beauty and benefit of having some personal rules that guide your journey in life and which you reflect upon from time to time.<br />
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Love,<br />
dad</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0