IT'S A LOT

Dear Spike: 

You turned 14 last week. You took the past year to work ahead in school (because, as you said many times, "what else am I going to do in a pandemic?") and you worked really hard, and so you're a few years ahead of schedule. You recently finished up your first year of your first college course. (You've been taking Chinese and you're doing great). Last month you began rehearsing for a community musical. It's Matilda; you're Lavender. Tomorrow you begin training with your high school soccer team. It's a lot. And I think that sometimes, lately, you've been feeling overwhelmed.  

It is fine.

You're as close to a perfect child as I think there has ever been. You are thoughtful, kind and respectful. You work hard in school and sports. You exceed our expectations on a regular basis, and as we have always had quite high expectations for you, that is no small feat. 

But sure, sometimes you fall short. You forget to do something you were supposed to do. You say something without thinking it through. You stumble. You fall. 

And it is fine. 

You get frustrated with yourself when these sorts of things happen. You get down. You get angry. You wrap yourself into emotional pretzels. And in doing so, sometimes, you make things worse.

I swear to you: It is fine. 

Tonight I told you some stories about when I was about your age and just a bit older. I told you about the trouble I got into. You looked at me a few times as though you thought I was kidding. I was not kidding. And there are more stories where those came from. I'll tell you some in time. And some I probably won't. 

There's trouble and then there's trouble. I never got into the latter. Rather, I think, I was a lot like you. I got into trouble when I was trying so hard. Trying to be brave. Trying to be smart. Trying to be funny. Trying to be more than I was. Trying to meet someone else's expectations for me. Trying to meet my expectations for me. 

But, as it turns out, I was always enough. I was brave enough and smart enough and funny enough and everything enough. It's taken me a very long time to understand that. Too long.  

There's a lot happening in your life right now. It brings me great joy to see you succeeding at so many things, particularly those things that bring you joy, too. But yes, it's a lot. And you're not always going to balance all of those things just perfectly. You're going to feel overwhelmed. You're going to stumble. You're going to fall. You're going to feel frustrated. You're going to get into some trouble. 

It is fine. You are fine. You are enough. You are everything enough. 

Love,
dad   

AN ENTIRE YEAR

Dear Spike: 

It's been a year, now, since everything hit the fan. Since travel stopped and schools closed. Since friends stopped hanging out and families stopped getting together. Since we stopped going out to eat and started wearing masks everywhere we did go.

It's been a tough year. And while we have been very fortunate — we have not gotten sick and we have not lost our sources of income — I wanted to acknowledge that good fortune does not make this hardship easy. Especially not for a 13-year-old child.   

I can see how difficult this has been for you. I can imagine myself at your age, and ask myself how I would have felt in this circumstance, and realize that it is a terrible thing for a young teenager to be more or less stuck with their parents for an entire year. 

But you've handled this with aplomb. You have not complained. You have not thrown a fit. You have not lost sight of the fact that the sacrifices you are making are for the benefit of our community and, in particular, the most vulnerable people in that community. (Not everyone sees things in this way, but you do.)

I have been hesitant to suggest there is a light at the end of this tunnel, but it does seem that we may be coming nearer to a place where something like the normal we once knew becomes the normal we will know. We will travel again. You will go back to school. You will see your friends and extended family. We will go to our favorite restaurants. We will explore the world with our faces exposed to the sun. 

Hold on. This has been very hard, and it may continue to be for some time to come, but we are getting closer. I do believe that.

It's been a tough year. But you are a tough person. You always have been. And I am very proud of you.

Love,
dad