TURNING DUE WEST

Dear Spike:

I spent Friday evening seated at a computer in a small room at the university, madly trying to figure out:

• If two baskets contain 12 balls each of two colors and one has twice as many red balls as green and the other has an even number of red and green balls, what are the odds of choosing four consecutive red balls by choosing two balls from each of the two baskets?

...and...

• If two trains left the same station at 6:48 a.m. one headed exactly north at 68 miles per hour and the other headed exactly northwest at 55 miles per hour before turning due west and changing speed to 60 miles per hour, at what time would the trains be precisely 120 miles apart?

...and...

• quail : fear as ___________ : war

I have no idea what any of that has to do with gradutate school. So I looked it up and my suspicions were confirmed: Researchers have found no conclusive evidence that success on the Graduate Record Examination correlates to any kind of success in graduate school. (They actually pay someone to do this research!)

Still, I suppose someone's making some money off this thing (I mean, other than those researchers) and I guess there does have to be some way to test the mettle of potential grad students (I mean, other than arm wrestling.)

In any case, I think I did OK.

And really, OK was all I was going for. I'm not trying to knock anyone's scholastic socks off. I just want to get a good enough score to get into a good enough school. And by good enough, I mean accredited by the South Texas Board of Knife Juggling and Dog Training.

Really, that's good enough.

Anyway, as I was sitting there, trying to remember how to calculate the surface area of a sphere, I couldn't help thinking: How did I get here?

It's your mother's fault, really. I was so proud of her when she finished her master's program last year. She worked incredibly hard — while working full time and carrying you — to finish that round of her studies. She got straight-As and graduated Magna Cum Superhero.

She inspired me. And made me a bit jealous, too.

I'd always intended to go back to school. But not for the reasons most people do. I'm quite content in my current occupation. And I don't reckon a master's degree is going to mean diddlysquatootles to my paycheck.

I just like to learn. (And to wear robes and square hats with tassles while listening to lofty marches written by otherwise obscure English composers.)

I guess, when I get back to school later this year, I'll officially be known as a "non-traditional" student. Your mother often uses the term "lifetime learner" — and I like that a lot.

I hope that you'll also be a lifetime learner. I hope that you'll love to stretch your mind — in the classroom and in the world.

I hope you'll never have to answer questions like this:

• A square box, two feet to a side, is filled with many round balls, all three inches in diameter. If the box is filled with as many balls as possible, how much of the box remains empty?

Love,
dad