EXPRESS IT ALL

Dear Spike:

I wonder, sometimes, what it all must be like for you.

It must have been terrifying, those first few days in this bright, cold world — like being thrown into a pool of freezing water. Electrifying. Breathtaking. Mind numbing.

And then, when you said your first words — calling for your mother, realizing as you did so that your lips and tongue and throat had purposes beyond eating, drinking and screaming — my God, what a surreal moment that must have been.

And now, an explosion of comprehension. You're talking to us. Listening to us. Signing what you cannot say. Sharing ideas. Following directions. Asking questions — one simple word at a time.

Yes, I can tell — there is still so much in your sweet little head that you'd like to express. You're just not sure of how, quite yet. How frightening and frustrating it must be to know what you want and know what you need and know there is a way — some way — to express it all...

...

...

... and yet, to be unable to do so.

I'm sorry to tell you, it never quite goes away. I still feel this way sometimes — as though this awkward, exhausting, guttoral thing we call language is simply insufficient for every emotion that passes through our mind or strikes us through our heart.

Don't worry, little one. As you grow, you will get better at finding the best words — as imperfect as best may be.

or right now, we'll keep working on "nose" and "ear" and "mouth." We'll learn the signs for "up" and "down." We'll laugh and sing those Sesame Street songs that will never, ever, ever leave your mind.

And when you get tired... when you get frustrated... when you get frightened... we'll sit together in silence, sharing a moment no words could describe.

And I'll wonder what it all must be like for you.

Love,
dad