WHAT AN ADDICT

Dear Spike:

You tiptoed into our room this morning with your big brown eyes and even bigger hopes.

"May I have some chocolate milk?" you asked.

"You may have some plain milk," your mother replied. "You had chocolate milk last night before you went to bed.

"But," you pleaded, "I really don't want plain milk. I want a little bit of chocolate milk."

"I'm sorry," your mother responded. "But you are an addict."

"If I could just have a little bit of chocolate milk, I could be very happy today," you said.

"Yes," your mother said. "That is what an addict would say."

We're looking for a 12-step program for you.

Love,
dad

FRESH WHOLESOME MILK

Dear Spike: 

 It's been a tough couple of nights, but you've been very brave and I'm very proud of you. It's not easy coming down off an addiction, after all. And you've been hooked on this stuff for a long time. 

 I'm speaking, of course, of 4-O-beta-D-Galactopyranosyl-D-glucose. Lactose, baby. The magical elixir that turns an ordinary glass of H20 into an delicious serving of fresh, wholesome, milk. 

 We're actually not weaning you off milk, per se. You're still welcome to it. But your mother and I have decided it's time — long past time, actually — that you stop drinking your cow juice from the bottle. And so, for the past two nights, it's been off-to-bed-without-the-white-stuff. No more bottles for baby. It's time to be a big girl. 

 I won't pretend that it's been as hard on us as it has been on you. It hasn't. But it has been tough to watch you graduate away from one of the last vestiges of babyhood. 

Alas, with your long, messy locks and your bilingual vocabulary and your determination to do everything by yourself, it's clear that you are most certainly not a baby any longer. And heck, sometimes you act more like an adult than I do. 

Sometimes it's sad to see how fast you've grown. But it can also be a lot of fun. And since change is inevitable, there's no use dwelling on what was. You're a big girl now. 

 Milk it for everything it's worth. 

Love,
dad