where's the doctor?

dear spike:

you're sick -- and sleeping on my shoulder -- which is why i'm typing with one hand.

you've had a bad cough and a fever for several days, so after yet another restless night for you, i made an appointment to see the doctor today. we were told to show up at 1115.

at 1145 we were invited into an exam room.

at 1220, a snotty-nosed little boy walked in the room.

"what seems to be the trouble?" he asked, stroking his chin and furrowing his eyebrows.

"um, you're not my daughter's doctor," i said.

"i'm the substitute."

"like in school?"

"right, like that."

"no you're not. you're like six or something."

"i'm seven."

"whatever. where's the doctor?"

"i don't know. we've been waiting, too," he said, and walked out the door.

at 1:30, the doctor finally came in.

"sorry," she said. "it's been a crazy day. bad circumcision. you know how it is."

"um, no, i'm sorry. i really don't know how that it."

she laughed. "oh yeah, i guess not, well let me tell you..."

"yikes. i'd rather you didn't"

"ok"

she looked you over and listened to your little lungs. you whimpered like a puppy that just got smacked with a newspaper.

"any history of breathing problems in your family?" she asked.

"yeah, i had asthma when i was growing up."

"ok. i think she has an ear infection."

"what does asthma have to do with an ear infection?"

"nothing, why?"

"because you just asked me about breathing problems."

"she's breathing fine."

"then why did you ask me about breathing problems?"

"did i do that?"

"yes"

"oh. sorry. long day. bad circumcision. you know how it is."

she peered into your little ear, then pulled out a little stick and dug around in there before peering in a second time.

"oh yeah, ear infection. bad one. i'll write you a prescription. wait here"

she walked out the door.

a minute later, the little boy walked back in.

"ear infection, eh?"

"what!? how'd you know?"

"we were just consulting on your daughter's case in the hall. don't worry, sir, she's going to be ok."

he nodded reassuringly and walked out.

a few minutes later, the doctor walked back in with a clipboard.

"you were consulting about my daughter's case with a seven-year-old?"

"seven? he's seven? i thought he was eight for sure. maybe nine."

"what did you tell him?"

"i told him, 'tough case in there. the little girl has an ear infection, but the dad is insistent that the problem is her lungs.' "

"you're just kidding around with me, right?"

"yeah. it's been a long day. he's been hanging out in the hall for an hour waiting for his little brother to be seen, so i asked him if he would consult with me" she made quotation marks with her fingers "on some cases."

"can i ask you something?" i asked.

"sure."

"you didn't consult with him on the circumcision too, did you?"

the doctor laughed. "oh heavens no," she said, she scribbled down the prescription, handed it to me and smiled. "i wouldn't do a thing like that..."

"... i let him perform it."

Love,
dad