I SAID IT

Dear Spike:

I think we've discovered a new species of fauna: Porifera verbum: the word sponge.

You've picked up so many new words in the past two weeks, I'm afraid your little head is going to explode like a volcano full of molten dictionary entires. . .

"What's this Spike?" "Pillow!"
"What's that Spike?" "Tail!"
"What's this Spike?" "Chair!"
"What's that Spike?" "Plum!"
"What's this Spike?" "Hat!"
Ka-Boom!

Because you're so quick on the uptake, you mother and I have taken to spelling out almost everything, lest you get too happy, sad, angry or excited about what you hear us talking about. This does, however, have the potential to create certain problems. . .

Mom: "Is Spike going to go to the B-A-B-Y-S-I-T-T-E-R today?"
Dad: "The what?"
Mom: "The B-A-B-Y-S-I-T-T-E-R."
Dad: "Um, slow down a bit."
Mom: "B---A---B---"
Dad: "D?"
Mom: "No B"
Dad: "OK."
Mom: "Y--S--"
Dad: "Y? S? I thought the word started with a B?"
Mom: "It does, I'm starting from the middle."
Dad: "You've lost me... start from the beginning again..."
Mom: "B---A---B---Y---S---I---"
Dad: "Oh! Babysitter."
Spike: "Sitter! Sitter! No! No! No, bye bye! No!"
Dad: "Shit"
Mom: "Hey! Don't say that!"
Dad: Say what?
Mom: "S-H-I-T"
Dad: "Shit?"
Spike: "Shit?"
Dad: "Uh oh."
Mom: "Well that's wonderful."
Dad: "Um... sit! sit! Sit down Spike! Sit!"
Mom: "She's not a dog!"
Spike: "Shit!"
Dad: "Uh fu..."
Mom: "Matt!"
Dad: "I didn't say it! I stopped before I said it!"
Spike: "It! Shit!"
Dad" "Sit!"
Mom: "It's too late"
Dad: "No it's not! Sit, Spike! Sit!"
Mom: "She is not a dog!"
Dad: "Spit?"
Mom: "Oh yeah, that's much better."
Dad: "Grit?"
Spike: "Shit! Shit! Shit!"
Dad: "Bugger!"
Mom: "Great, now you're teaching her to swear in British?"
Dad: "Who cares? We don't live in England."
Mom: "We could someday"
Spike: "Shit!"
Dad: "Bugger!"
Spike: "Bugga!"
Mom: "Oh great, now she can swear in two languages!"
Dad: "Really, it's just one language."
Mom: "Oh crap!"
Spike: "Crap!"

Love,
dad